does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
