some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
