We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
