when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
