I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize