I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
