I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I smell like Dick and happiness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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