we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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