I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
