Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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