Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
