yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
