I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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