people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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