Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We have started to decorate penises.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
