No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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