Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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