It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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