We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
