jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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