She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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