I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize