Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
