Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
