You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
