dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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