Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
