Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
