So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
