so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
