Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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