I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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