I accidentally had phone sex last night
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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