There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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