I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
