1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
