I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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