would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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