I think I died a long time ago.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
