...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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