they need to just BURY HIM!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
