i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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