I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
