Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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