i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
