That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
