So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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