Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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