dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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