If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize