I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I did not marry a roomba.
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