I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
