just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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