oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
