i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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