can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
