You're so nebulous sometimes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
