i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You dont lie about slip and slides
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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