Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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