There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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