So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
