We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
