OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
